URGENT STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS
My fellow citizens,
This is an extremely urgent state of the union address. As a candidate, I promised you that if you vote for me I will bring more and better change than the change promised by my oponent, Barrack Obama.
Yesterday was a roller coaster day for me. I was officially seated - by my assistants - at the desk in the Oval Office (which by the way gives me the creeps) and let me tell you this: it is a fine desk (wink), too bad that I am sooo damn old!
Since all my people were outside looking for Sarah's kids, it was impossible for me to get up and go to bed (I tried to stay awake until 7PM, usually I hit the pillow at 6:30PM). You all know that since November 4th my arthritis has been acting up ... that bitch (the arthritis). It's good that Sarah is a good natured, folksy woman - she helps me a lot getting around this huge place and she gives me good advice too, like when she suggested that we bring some caribou to roam the front lawn.
Anyway, since I was stuck at the desk I took a look at the papers left in a drawer by my predecessor (by the way, it was full of pretzel crumbs and pieces).
Jeeesus! Freaky stuff - economic indicators, financial forecasts, international political estimates.
I have decided to talk directly to you about the grave situation our country is in.
The guy who just left this house f****d us up, man! It blew my mind (not that it needed any blowing after my hospital stay last month).
My fellow citizens, we are in a big s**t. It took 8 long years and hard work, but little Georgie has proved himself in the end. I mean ... it is not an easy task to be a Republican president and use public money to buy bad assets from the Wall Street boys. Or it is? Whatever ...
Anyway, where was I?
(Long break ... McCain blinks a lot ... disoriented ...looks left, right, left ...)
Where am I?
(some people come to his side and shout into his ear - you're the president, sir! etc)
And so on ... you get the idea.
Maybe it would be good for SNL or Stewart.